Adventures of My 70-Year Old Mom - Part 2






part 2: match . com adventures

hey hey,

By popular demand, in today’s blog, I am sharing “A Word, A Song and A Laugh” to encourage all you singles with more humor and the adventures of my single, 70-year old mother!


It seems that you all loved hearing about my mom’s hilarious experiences – so at your request, here is MORE!


As a quick reminder, my mom is in heaven, but 15 years ago, when she was 70 and single and living in Florida — she tried The excerpts below are taken from a series of letters she sent me and my sisters describing her dating adventures! No doubt about it, my mom was funny and feisty!


Before we read a few more excerpts, let me try to add something spiritual to this funny blog!




A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance,
But by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken

Proverbs 15:13


Okay, now to more excerpts of her letters to my sisters and I. My your heart be cheerful!


Excerpt #1




Well, last night I met “6'0 Joe Cool,” (as his listing stated) ... but by the time he drove to The Villages to meet me, he ended up being about 5'8”. He has light blue eyes, gray hair, a fu-man-chu mustache and beard. He is a cool dresser. He wore a light blueshirt.


He has 3 kids that he doesn't like at all. He said they are all druggies and in and out of jail. So, he ain’t very interested in hearing about my family. I tried to come up with crimes you guys have committed to make him feel good. I did tell him about the time one of you toilet papered a neighborhood and streaked across a main road when you were 13 and how one of you stole lipstick from a store. I think he felt we were more equal after that. He said he’s dated woman whose kids never got into any trouble and he doesn’t believe them. So girls, it’s time to fess up, what did you do behind my back that had criminal overtones? I won’t get mad, just tell me, I need some material for this dating scene!


Joe Cool said he is a dancer, and I was looking forward to joining the dancers at the Town Square, but we sat across the street from the square at Starbucks and never got near the dance floor. Getting back to his mustache and beard ... I watched his upper lip … and it never moved. I kept looking for a hinge on his mouth because it worked more like a puppet’s mouth. Well, I was fascinated on how he could talk but his lips never moved. He also never laughed. We left with a hand shake and he said, “Gosh I wanna see you again...”


I think my life on is coming to an end, I would rather stay home and organize my sock drawer than do this. I will keep you posted.


Excerpt #2


Hello Girls, 


Okay, I had the highly awaited first date with Frank. We had a lot in common and the one thing I liked is that Frank was a talker. Well, he was a buzz saw…and never shut up. It was okay. We decided that maybe a second date might be a good idea.


On Tuesday, I met Frank in the K-Mart parking lot for date #2. I noticed that the cook in the nearby restaurant was watching us out the window. He probably thought there was some hanky-panky going on when I jump into Frank’s car. I wanted to shout, “Hey, I know Frank. This is a second date. It’s not what you think!”


Excerpt #3


Hi Girls,


This week, I met Alan, a great looking guy 6 foot 3 inches and a nice dresser and educated. We met a coffee joint with a 70’s feel. I knew there was a bong somewhere in there because I could smell it.


So, I am trying to get to know Alan and I asked him if he had any children. He answered, “Nope.” So, being a wise-guy, I said, “Then I guess you don’t have any grandkids?” That is when Alan gave me a lesson on how this earth was overpopulated and sterilizing couples might not be a bad thing. That’s when I dropped the I have 14 grandchildren on him and 78 first cousins. He informs me that all of the women he dates want to talk about their grands and he stops them right away because he’s not interested.


Anyway, we blah, blah for another hour and as we leave, he says, “I really like you. I believe there is something here.” And then he fumbled for 20 minutes to get the money out of his pocket for the two iced coffees. I think he wanted to go “dutch,” but I just out stalled him and laughed all the way home, because there ain’t “anything here” in my book.


Excerpt #4


Hi Girls,


Still trying out My most recent date "lionhearted" -- his name. His real name is Richard. We met for a glass of wine and Richard is wearing a fanny pack, red silk shorts, a muscle shirt and a mesh “John Deer” hat. We had a nice lunch but he was talking so loud — so now everyone in the restaurant knows that we are losers who met on After two appetizers, we both decide there is no clickage.


This random dating thing is a pain in the neck and I have almost decided it is too much work...


Excerpt #5


Hi Girls,


I decided to write a glossary for dating. Here’s what I’ve learned so far...


When they say, “6’1” it means “5’8” with shoe lifts.”


When they say, “I would really like to see you again” it means “I am totally out of here...”


When they say, “fit” it means “30 lbs overweight.”


When they say, “we are good for each other and we have a lot in common” it means, “you have money and I don’t.”


When they say, “stocky” they mean, “I need a seatbelt extender on the airplane.”


When they say, “Italian, a Robert DeNiro look alike” it means, “I love spaghetti.”




Ok that’s all folks...the dating adventures of my mothers. She had a good sense of humor about all of it, but being single was a tough season for her. After all, she was married to my dad, Jerry, for 14 years and after they divorced, she raised my sisters and I as a single mom until she met another Jerry. They were also married for 14 years until he unexpectedly passed away at the young age of 56. Jerry #2 treated her like a queen, and it was hard for anyone to compete with what she had been used to when married to Jerry #2. She kiddingly said, “If only I could have found Jerry #3!” I am so glad she’s in heaven now with Jesus and both Jerry’s - my dad Jerry, and my stepdad Jerry ... I don’t know how the Lord figures all of that out, but I am sure they are all having a great time in heaven!




Ok, here are two good songs to encourage all of you seeking a spouse… :) Love and hugs!


The Game of Love by Wayne Fontana and the Mindbenders - a classic #1 Billboard hit from 1965!


Waiting Here for You by Passion - sometimes we are waiting for a person to fill that empty place in our hearts when perhaps we need take some time to focus on Jesus and let Him fill our hearts as only He can. This is a great song.


His Eye is on the Sparrow by Selah - this was one of my mom’s favorite songs as her single life continued and she drew close to the Lord. She wanted this song sung at her memorial service. This was also one of the last songs the Hospice aide played on his guitar with all of our family gathered around mom moments before she went to heaven. If you need to get alone with the Lord and let this song minister to you, please do.

peace, love and blessings,



Keep a cheerful heart ya’ll! :))

Continue Reading... Adventures of My 70-Year Old Mom - Part 1


hey hey,

In today’s blog, I am sharing “A Word, A Song and A Laugh” to encourage all you singles with a little humor and the adventures of my single, 70-year old mother!


Today, my mom is in heaven, but 15 years ago when she was 70 and single and living in Florida — she tried Her experiences were hilarious and she sent my sisters and I updates of her adventures. Here are a few excerpts from her letters.


I thought you all might enjoy a laugh, but first, let me try to add something spiritual to this funny blog! Singles, start praying and claiming the verse in Isaiah 34:16.




“Search from the book of the Lord, and read:
Not one of these shall fail;
Not one shall lack her mate.
For My mouth has commanded

and His Spirit has gathered them.”

Isaiah 34:16, NKJV


Okay, now to the excerpts!


Excerpt #1


Hi Girls,


I thought i would write about the guys I am NOT dating, but the guys at are winking and blinking at me....for those who have never been in … the routine is like this. Someone clicks on your profile … they read the little story about you and you can read theirs.


People use buzz words like: fit, athletic, toned, buff — now I ask you when you think of a 65 to 75 yr old person do those words jump out at you? The next time you go to your family reunion look over at uncle Harry and see if that's how you would describe him? Doubt it, maybe you would say: ”He is upright. Still breathing. Shorter than I remembered him.”


The women lie just like the men do. Well when someone winks or blinks at you, now you have your choice..either ignore that person, wink back or email them...


I will tell you about The Doc later and also Joe Cool.


Excerpt #2


Hi Girls,


So far, we are striking out. This dating thing is a lot of work.


Here’s a guy I am not dating. He calls himself “Doc.” He sends me an email, “Real nice pic, call me at xxx-xxxx.”  This guy is 56, drop dead gorgeous, drives a Jag, loves gold jewelry and knows how to dress. So, I answer Doc. I told him that I am flattered that a 56 year old guy would be checking out this old gal, but he surely does not want a wrinkled up old prune from The Villages. I told him I have shoes older than him! Unless he has a boat load of Botox, he could do much better than me; but, thanks for the ego-booster. Doc responds, “No, I love older woman and I really do want to see you…" I am thinking; how would my daughters feel about a “step-dad” who less than 10 years older than they are?!


The only date I’ve had that has any hope is with Ray. He’s perfect, so not much to write about! His clothes match and the dude owns an iron! We went out for dinner and he is the 8th wonder of the world; a man who talks! He cares about what makes me tick. (The problem with all these dates and eating out is that I am getting fatter than a Billy goat!) So, Ray WANTS to see Momma Mia - a chick flick! This guy is a winner. The movie starts and my boy Ray knowing all the words to this movie…he is an Abba freak. I think I am falling in love…(not really) and I shout out “Thank you, Jesus!” The only problem…there is no real “clickage.” Ya know what I mean, Vern?????


 Excerpt #3


Hi Girls,


This weekend I am going to meet Al - a biker…the kind you peddle. This guy is in shape. He swims 5 miles a day and rides his bike over 100 miles a week. So, to get in the spirit for the date with biker boy, I put on my girdle and a really tight pair of shorts and rode my 3 speed Schwinn around the neighborhood for 15 minutes. Not pretty.


I’ve decided that someone needs to write a book on how to get ready for a date.


Here’s my usual routine: I usually start trying on outfits a few hours before the date. What look should I go for? Cheerleader or Grandma? I usually opt for cheerleader. I pull some jeans out of the closet with the hopes that I’ll fit into them. AfterI lay down on the bed, struggle to zip the jeans and break a nail in the process, I can't get up! Finally, I figure out how to maneuver my body to sit up and I think, “I’m looking pretty good…” I can’t breathe, but I’m looking good. So, I spray on some expensive perfume, freshen up my make-up and make sure my car is cleaned out.


But, I think this what the guy’s do: It’s 4:30pm and the dates starts at 5pm, so he says to himself, “Do I wanna look like I jumped out of the dumpster or just rolled out of bed?????” I think he  usually finds the two best pair of khaki shorts he’s thrown into the hamper. He shakes ‘em, check for stains, sprays a little Fabreze and puts the best ones on. He is out the door at 4:45pm. One guy told me, “I have two shirts. One shirt is yellow with green palm trees and the other is green with brown palm trees.” I love a man with an imagination.


Ok, here’s a little advice for the guys: Do not wear hunter green tweedy shirts. It really does make your skin look green. Guys, wear something bright – try blue, yellow…even pink! Buy some cologne. Fabreze is not the new Old Spice. Invest in Crest Strips.




There you go! The Adventures of Carol on I hope you are laughing and refreshed because I am rolling as I put this blog together. My mother was funny!


If you guys like today’s blog, there’s more. I could do one more blog of funny excerpts from mom if you’d like! So, let me hear from you — hit REPLY and say, “GIVE ME MORE!!” :)




Ok, we’ll see if we can spiritual again, here are some good heartfelt songs to encourage all of you seeking a spouse… :) Love and hugs!


Wait for Me, by Rebecca Saint James - a good classic for single believing God for their mate.


God Gave Me You, Dave Barnes - an oldie —  be encouraged!


Perfect Union, by Matthew Ward - an oldie, but still so good and he is one of the best male vocalists of all-time.


1000 Miles, by Mark Schultz - a beautiful love song.

peace, love and blessings,




Keep your sense of humor ya’ll! :))

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