In today’s blog, I am sharing “A Word, A Song and A Laugh” to encourage all you singles with a little humor and the Match.com adventures of my single, 70-year old mother!
Today, my mom is in heaven, but 15 years ago when she was 70 and single and living in Florida — she tried Match.com. Her experiences were hilarious and she sent my sisters and I updates of her adventures. Here are a few excerpts from her letters.
I thought you all might enjoy a laugh, but first, let me try to add something spiritual to this funny blog! Singles, start praying and claiming the verse in Isaiah 34:16.
A WORD
“Search from the book of the Lord, and read:
Not one of these shall fail;
Not one shall lack her mate.
For My mouth has commanded it,
and His Spirit has gathered them.”
Isaiah 34:16, NKJV
Okay, now to the excerpts!
Excerpt #1
Hi Girls,
I thought i would write about the guys I am NOT dating, but the guys at are winking and blinking at me....for those who have never been in Match.com … the routine is like this. Someone clicks on your profile … they read the little story about you and you can read theirs.
People use buzz words like: fit, athletic, toned, buff — now I ask you when you think of a 65 to 75 yr old person do those words jump out at you? The next time you go to your family reunion look over at uncle Harry and see if that's how you would describe him? Doubt it, maybe you would say: ”He is upright. Still breathing. Shorter than I remembered him.”
The women lie just like the men do. Well when someone winks or blinks at you, now you have your choice..either ignore that person, wink back or email them...
I will tell you about The Doc later and also Joe Cool.
Excerpt #2
Hi Girls,
So far, we are striking out. This dating thing is a lot of work.
Here’s a guy I am not dating. He calls himself “Doc.” He sends me an email, “Real nice pic, call me at xxx-xxxx.” This guy is 56, drop dead gorgeous, drives a Jag, loves gold jewelry and knows how to dress. So, I answer Doc. I told him that I am flattered that a 56 year old guy would be checking out this old gal, but he surely does not want a wrinkled up old prune from The Villages. I told him I have shoes older than him! Unless he has a boat load of Botox, he could do much better than me; but, thanks for the ego-booster. Doc responds, “No, I love older woman and I really do want to see you…" I am thinking; how would my daughters feel about a “step-dad” who less than 10 years older than they are?!
The only date I’ve had that has any hope is with Ray. He’s perfect, so not much to write about! His clothes match and the dude owns an iron! We went out for dinner and he is the 8th wonder of the world; a man who talks! He cares about what makes me tick. (The problem with all these dates and eating out is that I am getting fatter than a Billy goat!) So, Ray WANTS to see Momma Mia - a chick flick! This guy is a winner. The movie starts and my boy Ray knowing all the words to this movie…he is an Abba freak. I think I am falling in love…(not really) and I shout out “Thank you, Jesus!” The only problem…there is no real “clickage.” Ya know what I mean, Vern?????
Excerpt #3
Hi Girls,
This weekend I am going to meet Al - a biker…the kind you peddle. This guy is in shape. He swims 5 miles a day and rides his bike over 100 miles a week. So, to get in the spirit for the date with biker boy, I put on my girdle and a really tight pair of shorts and rode my 3 speed Schwinn around the neighborhood for 15 minutes. Not pretty.
I’ve decided that someone needs to write a book on how to get ready for a date.
Here’s my usual routine: I usually start trying on outfits a few hours before the date. What look should I go for? Cheerleader or Grandma? I usually opt for cheerleader. I pull some jeans out of the closet with the hopes that I’ll fit into them. AfterI lay down on the bed, struggle to zip the jeans and break a nail in the process, I can't get up! Finally, I figure out how to maneuver my body to sit up and I think, “I’m looking pretty good…” I can’t breathe, but I’m looking good. So, I spray on some expensive perfume, freshen up my make-up and make sure my car is cleaned out.
But, I think this what the guy’s do: It’s 4:30pm and the dates starts at 5pm, so he says to himself, “Do I wanna look like I jumped out of the dumpster or just rolled out of bed?????” I think he usually finds the two best pair of khaki shorts he’s thrown into the hamper. He shakes ‘em, check for stains, sprays a little Fabreze and puts the best ones on. He is out the door at 4:45pm. One guy told me, “I have two shirts. One shirt is yellow with green palm trees and the other is green with brown palm trees.” I love a man with an imagination.
Ok, here’s a little advice for the guys: Do not wear hunter green tweedy shirts. It really does make your skin look green. Guys, wear something bright – try blue, yellow…even pink! Buy some cologne. Fabreze is not the new Old Spice. Invest in Crest Strips.
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There you go! The Adventures of Carol on Match.com. I hope you are laughing and refreshed because I am rolling as I put this blog together. My mother was funny!
If you guys like today’s blog, there’s more. I could do one more blog of funny excerpts from mom if you’d like! So, let me hear from you — hit REPLY and say, “GIVE ME MORE!!” :)
